On the bus back from London Heathrow last night, I had the pleasure to sit next to a young Chinese woman, who seemed just a little reluctant to share her seat with anyone. As it was the last seat on a fully subscribed bus, I had no option and neither did she. She was all elbows and knees. I have some bruises to prove it.
During the 4 and a half hour ride back to Plymouth, she incessantly talked on her mobile phone, gabbling away loudly in something-ese to invisible friends and family. No sooner would she end a call with one, than the phone would ring, or she would call another friend, and the chatter would start again. Intermittently, on the rare occasions that the phone was being 'rested', she would plug her i-pod into her ears and sing in a high pitched and slightly off tune voice to herself. She picked her way painfully through several songs by Queen during the trip (I recognised the music as it emitted tinnily through her ear phones). As such classics as 'Re Rill Lock You', 'Bohemian Lapsody' (Be-elzubum has a devil in the sideboard), and 'Ladio Ga Ga' assailed my ears, I felt inclined to leap screaming from the speeding bus, or at the very least, to draw an angry face on the bald head of the man sat in front of me. But my amazing fit of petulance subsided and like a true Brit I resigned myself to the Chinese water torture....
In the end, I managed to get home with my sanity intact, secure in the knowledge that this poor Chinese woman will have to live in our wet, cold and tax-ridden country for a while - let's see if she is still sane at the end of her experience... Let's hope she maintains a strong signal - she's going to need it.
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