Dialectical innit?

Well let's have a little New Year's fun shall we....? There is an absolutely hilarious app available called The Dialectizer which turns any web site text content into.... Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef (remember the Muppets?), Jive talk, Redneck or... yeah Cockney, innit? Below is a blog post of mine from New Year's day which has been dialectized into Cockney... It's particularly nice to 'ave anuvver pop' at the pomposity of some Post Modernist writers.... :-)

Have yer ever tried ter read a post-modernist paper by say, Lyotard, right, Derrida, or Foucault, and fought 'wot the chuffin' hell were that all about', isit?

Characteristically, post-modernist essays are verbose and full of dense vocabulary, but tend ter say right wee. I keep a copy of Foucault's 'Archaeology of Knowledge' on me shelf for one reason only - ter show me students 'ow not ter write if they want their reader ter understand. Below is an extract from a post-modernist essay. Right. Spot if yer can understand it:

"If yer examines the bloody capitalist paradigm of context, yer is faced wiv a choice: eever reject surrealism or conclude that consciousness is capable of intent. If prematerial sublimation 'olds, we 'ave ter choose between semantic theory and Derridaist readin'. In a sense, Debord uses the term ‘capitalist capitalism’ ter denote the dialectic, and therefore the failure, of postconstructive sexual identity. “Society is intrinsically dead,” says Lacan; 'owever, right, accordin' ter Hanfkopf, it ain't so much society wot is intrinsically dead, but ravver the stasis, right, and subsequent absurdity, of society. Lyotard’s analysis of semantic theory states that government is part of the bloomin' definin' characteristic of sexuality. It could be said that Sartre promotes the use of the bloomin' neocapitalist paradigm of discourse ter analyse and modify consciousness. If one examines semantic theory, one is faced wiv a choice: eever accept the neocapitalist paradigm of discourse or conclude that society, peraps surprisingly, 'as objective value, right, but only if reality is interchangeable wiv 'am sandwich; uvverwise, right, Lacan’s model of the materialist paradigm of narrative is one of “Debordist situation”, and so fundamentally used in the service of maintainin' the bloomin' status quo. The main theme of the works of Burroughs is the bloomin' bridge between class and sexuality. However, the bleedin' subject is contextualised involvin' reality as a paradox.

The bloomin' primary theme of McElwaine’s critique of Lyotardist narrative is not, right, in fact, right, discourse, right, but subdiscourse. In a sense, Foucault suggests the chuffin' use of the neocapitalist paradigm of discourse ter deconstruct 'ierarchy. The main theme of the bloody works of Burroughs is a self-supportin' totality, do wot guvnor! Therefore, right, the bloomin' subject is interpolated into a means ter include 'am sandwich as a reality.

The premise of structuralist deconstruction implies that the purpose of the observer is social comment. In a sense, the chuffin' subject is contextualised in that it includes consciousness as a totality. Well, did yer understand any of that, isit? If yer did, yor (in the words of the bloomin' post-modernist) 'dissemblin''.

Yer see, right, the bleedin' abstract above is completely meaningless and were generated by a French Tutor program called the chuffin' Post Modernism Generator. The program takes stock phrases and sentences at random and simply Emperor Mings them togeffer. Have a go yorself at generatin' yor own nonsense post-modernist essay. I guarantee yer won't be able ter tell it apart from the real fin'! Honest guv!